Men & Women

Discoveries and Inventions by Men And Women
Men discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Men discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
Women discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

Men discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
Women discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Men discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
Women discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

Men discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
Women discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter Men have discovered and invented a lot of things...
While Women STUCK to shopping.

Women are Smarter Than Men

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. Ten were men, and one was a woman. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the woman gave a very touching speech about how she would give up her life to save the others because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children and giving in to men.

And all of the men started clapping....

99 SECRETS GIRLS HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT GUYS

no offense guys.....dont no hw far its true...!...some do sound true to
me atlest...!

Warning:- CAN GET BORING....guys r indeed difficult to analyse..!

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat
and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're
not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the
first usual
questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure
have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and
it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!

14. Don't provoke(irritate) the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and
this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never
mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you
are
thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer
when they
talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're
asking
him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you
and he
can't lay down the card for
you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple
of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't
mean that the guy likes her.

28 You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of
the earth
faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his
problems
with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily
get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be
hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they
broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.

**51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting
involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's
too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be
matured and
grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot
more than
girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats
with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll
probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually
saying,"Please
come and listen to me"

59. Guys don't really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight,
but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is
wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.*

65. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be
sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way
a girl
would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your n*ked eyes.

71. A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your
advantage.

72. Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of
rejection.

73. Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be
surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than
attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is
about girls.

76. Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable
decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he
finds them
offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know
them,they'll realize they're wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too
stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys' weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is
already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at
fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's
criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second
chance,give it
to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another
chance,ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at
u and it
obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend,
all I
can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend
does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls
read and
take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in
front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even
just for
one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only
flatters you and
sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your
relationships.

To: All Employees

To: All Employees

Dear Staff,
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Prisoners V/s Employees

Prisoners V/s Employees

Postby Saurabh » Thu Apr 29, 2010 2:10 pm

IN PRISON
you spend the majority of your time in an 8'X10' cell .

AT WORK
you spend most of your time in a 6'X8' cubicle ..



IN PRISON
you get three meals a day (free).

AT WORK
you only get a break for one meal and probably have to pay for it yourself .



IN PRISON
you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK
you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.



IN PRISON
a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you ..

AT WORK
you must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself .



IN PRISON
you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK
you get fired for watching TV and playing games.



IN PRISON
they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK
you can not even speak to your family and friends.



IN PRISON
all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.

AT WORK
You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.



Hmm ?

Which Sounds Better?

So what are you waiting for.........


Kill your Boss

Can you beat this Explanation

Suddenly one of the employees in an organization took 10 days Leave Without any notice.

When he returned his boss asked for explanation.
The employee said "Sir, my mom died unexpectedly".

The boss let it go at That. After 3 months the same pattern repeated, and this time the said his Father died.

Then the boss got changed.

After 3 months the same pattern Repeated.
And the employee gave the explanation that his mom died.
After 3 months same thing again...
And this time his father died.

This Happened repeatedly for 2 years.
At the end, one boss checked his past Records and told him, "I have caught you red handed, How come in the Past 2 years, your mom has died 5 times, and your dad has died five Times?"

NOW GUESS THE ANSWER...

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

To which the guy said, "Sir, my mom died and my father remarried. Then my father died and my new mom remarried. Then my mom died and the new Father remarried. This has been going on and on and on and..."

Not going to have babies

    A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

“That’s a serious step,” he said. “Have you thought it out completely?”

“Yes,” his young son answered. “We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It’s right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.”
“How about transportation?” the father asked.



“I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,” the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, “What about babies? When you’re married, you’re liable to have babies, you know.”

“We’ve thought about that, too,” the little boy replied.

“We’re not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I’m going to step on it!”

A policeman

A policeman comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe. His boss starts to yell at him:
- You are ruining police reputation, go home and change the shoes.
The policeman goes home, and comes back after a while.
- Boss I have a problem; the other pair of shoes at home is black and white, too.

How to fool a policeman

An old lady was pulled over by a policeman for over-speeding. The police man approached the driver's door.
"Is there a problem Officer?"
He said, "Madame, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"
She responded, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
"I lost it four times for drunk driving."
The policeman was shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer said, "Stole it?"
She said, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer got worried. "You what!?"
"He's in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looked at her and slowly backed away to his car and called for back up. Within minutes, five police cars showed up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approached the car, clasping his half drawn gun.....
The senior officer asked "Madame, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The lady stepped out and said, "Is there a problem, officer?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responded, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"
She opened the trunk, revealing nothing.
The officer said, "Is this your car Madame?"
She replied, "Yes," and handed over the registration papers to him.
The officer, understandably, was quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The lady digged in his purse revealing a license-card and handed it to the officer. The officer examined the licence. He looked quite puzzled.
"Thank you Madame.......one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The lady replied, "I bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!"

Who Is Stupid?

 A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"



Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for fun.

They then landed, to survey the damage they caused. The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing his head off. "What's so funny?" they asked him.

"It was great," he said. "I farted and my neighbor's house blew up."




One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.

The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."

''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''